The State of Bottoms & Tops: What Gay Men Really Think About Sexual Roles in 2025
For decades, gay culture has obsessed over sexual roles. We’ve celebrated them, mocked them, coded them, fought over them, and meme-ified them. But behind every “u a top?” opener and those endless rows of blank grey squares, there are real dynamics at play: identity, confidence, desire, attraction, and the way we build intimacy.
ARCHER’s “The State of Bottoms & Tops” is a deep dive into how gay and queer men understand, express, and play with their sexual roles today. With more than five hundred participants weighing in, the results paint a picture of a community that is simultaneously self-aware, role-fluid, and refreshingly honest.
Below, we break down the findings and the stories they reveal.
Vers Men Come Out On Top
When asked how they describe their sexual role, nearly half of respondents identified as Vers or Switch (48%), far outnumbering self-identified Bottoms (33%) and especially Tops (19%). This shift reflects a broader cultural trend: roles are becoming less fixed, less symbolic, and more about connection than identity. While Tops and Bottoms remain iconic archetypes, Vers men have quietly become the statistical center of gravity. They are the default, not the exception.
Opposites, Overlaps & Everything Between the Sheets
Looking at the numbers by role reveals some of the clearest shifts happening in gay sexuality today. Tops are the most self-assured, with 65% describing themselves as very confident, compared to 56% of Bottoms and just 46% of Vers men.
Yet when it comes to pleasure, Tops and Bottoms actually look more alike than different: both overwhelmingly prefer classic penetration (44% and 43%, respectively), while Vers men break from the script — only 29% choose penetration as their favorite act, instead leaning into oral play (34%) and more varied experiences.
In foreplay, too, Vers men are the ones taking their time, with more than a quarter (28%) spending 15–30 minutes warming up, compared to more fast-paced Tops, who cluster in the 5–15 minute range (40%).
These patterns show a real story: Tops are steadier, Bottoms are balanced, and Vers men are the true sexual shapeshifters — adaptive, exploratory, and vibe-driven.
Emotionally, the divide is just as telling. Bottoms respond most intensely to humor (42%) while Tops are drawn to confidence (27%), and Vers men prioritize emotional connection and playfulness in nearly equal measure (23% and 35%).
Taken together, the data reveals a community that isn’t divided by roles so much as animated by them: Tops radiating certainty, Bottoms craving emotional warmth, and Vers men modeling a more fluid, customizable approach to sex.
Far from reinforcing clichés, these differences suggest that gay men are rewriting their erotic identities in real time — with more nuance, confidence, and complexity than ever before.
Roles Are Important, But Not Identity-Defining
When asked whether their sexual role feels like part of their identity, the responses were strikingly balanced.
- 23% say yes, it’s central to who they are
- 38% say it’s somewhat part of them
- 39% say it’s simply something they do, not who they are
This ambivalence reflects a generational shift: roles matter because they shape experience, not because they define personality. Gay men are moving away from identity stereotypes and toward pleasure-first self-understanding.
Foreplay Is the Main Event (And Penetration Isn’t the Whole Story)
If you want to understand how gay men actually experience intimacy, look at how they warm up to it. Foreplay is overwhelmingly central: only 6% say they spend less than five minutes easing into sex, while the vast majority fall into the 5–15 minute range (38%) or the 15–30 minute range (31%), with another 12% taking more than half an hour. It’s one of the clearest signs that, across roles, gay men value build-up — not just as a practical step, but as the space where chemistry forms and anticipation becomes part of the pleasure. Tops and Bottoms may differ in what happens next, but on this point they’re aligned: foreplay doesn’t just set the tone, it is the tone.
That depth of intention carries into the acts tied to each role. Classic penetration is still the favorite, but only narrowly — just 36% say it’s the role-related activity they enjoy most. Nearly as many prefer oral play (29%), while others gravitate toward rimming or anal play (14%) or more exploratory paths like toys and kink (8%). The data makes one thing clear: even though “Top” and “Bottom” dominate the cultural shorthand, gay sex in practice is far more varied, creative, and personalized. Roles may define who goes where, but they don’t define the full range of what feels good — and today’s gay men are embracing that freedom more than ever.
What Shapes Sexual Confidence Most? Chemistry
Sexual confidence is influenced by many factors, but one stood out. More than one-third of men (37%) say chemistry with their partner matters most, more than prep (30%), physical appearance (20%), or performance/stamina (5%).
Confidence, then, is relational, not individual. The right partner doesn’t just make sex better; they make you better while doing it.
Switching Is Common Even Among Those Who Claim a Label
Role fluidity extends far beyond the Vers crowd. Among respondents:
- 26% never switch
- 37% switch occasionally
- 6% switch half the time
- 24% switch often, depending on the vibe
Even many self-identified Tops and Bottoms show flexibility in real-world experiences, suggesting that many “roles” are more aspirational branding than strict behavior.
Gay Men Want More Than Just Hookups
When asked what they’re seeking right now, the majority leaned toward depth over randomness.
- 43% want mostly relationships
- 28% are open to hookups and dating equally
- 18% prefer something casual but ongoing
- Only 11% are looking primarily for hookups
Despite stereotypes, gay men are not “anti-relationship,” they’re simply diversifying what intimacy can look like.
Turn-Ons Are Emotional First, Physical Second
In ranking their biggest turn-ons, emotional connection came out on top at 34%, narrowly beating physical connection at 31%. Confidence (20%) and humor (16%) rounded out the list.
The data suggests a growing trend: emotional safety, warmth, and compatibility are becoming central to sexual desire.
Every Role Has a Vibe
Finally, when asked to describe the vibe of their role:
- 41% said playful and flirty
- 40% said chill and romantic
- 10% said experimental and wild
- 9% said dominant and bold
Despite popular fantasies of aggressive Tops and submissive Bottoms, gay men overwhelmingly see their sexual selves as warm, soft, flirty, curious, and romantic.
Roles don’t make gay men harder or edgier, they make them more expressive.
A Community Redefining Itself
Taken together, these findings reveal a community continually reshaping its own narrative. Sexual roles remain part of how gay men talk about sex, but they’re no longer boxes people are trapped in. Instead, they’re launching points for conversation, chemistry, desire, and connection.
Gay men today are more versatile (literally), more emotionally centered, more confident, and more curious than the stereotypes suggest. And in the end, the “state” of Tops and Bottoms isn’t about rigid roles at all. It’s about freedom and the power of naming, exploring, and enjoying what feels good.
